What is personal power?
Personal power isn’t a woo woo or fluffy concept. It means recognising your ability to influence the behavior of others, regardless of holding a position of authority. Personal power comes from having self-awareness, confidence and respecting and enforcing your boundaries. When you learn how to develop your personal power you can become more effective and successful in every area of your life, not just at work.
"It’s not the male model of “power over” where one dominates the other, but it’s personal power, where we act in a way that preserves our personal integrity, or we work with others in a mutually empowering enterprise” Pat Taub, How Women Give Away Their Personal Power
How does personal power influence your career?
Personal power means setting and protecting your boundaries. Saying no to things and to people. It's how you behave and respond in relationships, with family, friends and at work. Personal power is actively pursuing the things you want and deserve. On a day to day basis using your personal power can look like applying for a promotion, saying no to organising the Christmas party or speaking up for yourself in meetings.
When women do, say or believe certain things that diminish their personal power, this can impact their careers negatively. Sometimes it’s about not claiming your power as fully as you could. In other cases it may be that you’re denying your power and influence, consciously or unconsciously, to keep others comfortable or avoid conflict.
“It’s not just in love relationships that women give away their power. We do it with friends, family members and on the job, when we become conflict adverse” Pat Taub
When women don’t recognise their skills, strengths and abilities this can create a leaky pipeline of female leadership at all levels within an organisation. This might be a slow leak but it’s one that has a negative impact on reputation and success.
How can you stop giving your personal power away?
Alice Walker, Pulitzer Prize winning author of “The Color Purple” famously said “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” One of the ways women can take control of their career journey is by recognising their personal power, noticing when they’re giving it away and by learning how to reclaim it.
8 signs you’re giving away your power at work and how to stop
You’re not asking for what you need or want
Don’t assume that others know what you want, or that they will make it a priority. Tell them. Ask for what you need early, before you become resentful.
You are letting yourself be pigeon-holed
If you are letting others limit or define you, you are giving away your power. Manage your image and personal brand (what you’re known for) so others don’t do it for you.
You are thinking small
This is a common one. Ask yourself this, what would you be or do if you thought as big and bold as you could and didn’t accept limitations? What would it look like if you started taking those big bold actions?
The way you speak
Your language choices. Pay attention to your choice of words. Make note of words such as “just,” “only,” “sorry,” “apologise,” “might,” are you deferring to others when you don’t need to?
Ignoring office politics
Are you saying “I hate office politics and don’t want to play games.” Not liking the politics of a situation is fine, as long as you are not trying to ignore that they exist and influence things that happen.
You’re not valuing yourself
Know your value, both financially and personally. Don’t feel guilty about charging what you’re worth, negotiating for a better salary, or insisting on respect.
You’re disconnected from “self”
When we deny who we are and what gives us energy and joy because we are afraid of how it will look, or whether we will fit in, we are suppressing ourselves.
“When we claim our power, we might be ridiculed, which can inhibit us from speaking up, but the more we claim our power, the easier it becomes. The more we value ourselves, the more our self-love blossoms” Pat Taub
You’re hesitant to self-promote
Our default behaviour is to rely on our hard work and performance for recognition and reward. Women have been conditioned to play smaller and quieter, often ridiculed or penalised for self promotion. Whereas men are celebrated and praised for their achievements. A relecticant to celebrate our wins and canvas for our own causes leads to lack of visibility and subsequent lack of power.
What if I need help?
Reclaiming your personal power doesn’t always happen overnight. It starts with noticing. How do you speak about yourself (in your head) and to others. What are your automatic responses when someone asks you to do something you dont have the time or energy to do? Do you say yes anyway? How would it feel if you said no? What you notice, you can begin to change. When you think differently, you feel differently and then you behave differently.
I’m Amanda Owen Meehan a Career and Leadership Coach who helps women get clarity and control over their careers to be more fulfilled and successful at work. If you’d like to know more about how I can help you can reach me at amanda@wearereadytorise.com or come and subscribe to my new career development community of brilliant women here
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