Feeling stuck sucks.
And we often spend more time on the problem, looking at how it’s making us feel than we do thinking about how we could change things. Because when you feel stuck, well, you’re stuck - there is no obvious way out. Maybe it’s started impacting your confidence. The longer you stay in a bad situation the more confidence you’re likely to lose. Or it might be affecting you on a day-to-day basis; maybe you’re feeling unmotivated, and your performance has started to suffer. Even worse, other people have started to notice. Or it might be that you’re just not enjoying your work. In which case it can be hard to even get out of bed in the morning. Some people come back from holidays feeling refreshed and ready to go again. People who feel stuck come back with a new resentment and fresh dread.
If any of this sounds uncomfortably familiar, the good news is, this article will help.
What got you stuck?
It might be helpful (or not) to know that we all feel stuck at work from time to time. There are some common situations which can lead to us suddenly feeling trapped in our jobs, like we’re not progressing or that we’re not meant to be where we are because our life has changed, and the job has stayed the same.
Maybe you took a job thinking it would be temporary and 5 years later, you are still there. Or you’ve returned from a career break, and everything feels overwhelming. Your circumstances might have changed and what once was a good fit now doesn't fit in with the life that you want. Maybe work has stayed the same but priorities in your life have changed and it no longer feels aligned with your health, your care responsibilities or if you’ve had a shift in personal values.
Or maybe you took a job that seemed to be one thing and it's turned out to be something completely different (and not in a good way!). And now you feel stuck because you only just got there, and you don’t feel like you can leave so soon. I’ve worked with a few coaching clients who were disappointed in their new role but felt it would be damaging to their CV and their prospects if they upped and left before they’d been in post for at least a year.
It could be that it’s not even that dramatic - maybe you’ve just stopped enjoying your job or you’re just plain bored with a complete lack of challenge? Whoever you are and however you got here, it is what it is. The important thing is that you need to figure out what to do next.
The “Activity Removes Doubt Principle” to get unstuck
You need small but actionable steps to get unstuck and make decisions about what could come next. It’s the “activity removes doubt” principle. I remember my first coach saying it to me. The fear of what could happen is stopping you from doing anything at all. Your mind goes into self-protection mode and turns into an excuse generating machine. The “activity removes doubt” principle counteracts this effect by getting us to instead act with intention and ask yourself ‘what’s the worst that could happen. And if something bad might happen, what would your plan be to prevent it and indeed repair it? Then consider the best that could happen if you just pull your finger out and do it. Or as I like to call it ‘the Nike principle’.
Small steps and consistent actions to kick start your career development
Doing little and often also helps you to see what's possible. However, stuck you feel now it's never too late to make a change and take control of your career. Start with one small step a day. When you’ve got big goals, it can feel overwhelming. Just take one step forward every day. Are you working towards a delayed promotion? Ask to be put on one new project. Ask one question in every meeting. Reduce the overwhelm by keeping it small - do just enough to keep moving with consistency.
Ask “What?” instead of “Why” for a powerful mindset shift
Questions are great but they can also keep you stuck. “Why” can be a big problem - “Why couldn’t I speak up in that meeting?” “Why haven’t I asked for that promotion?” Why tends to be a question to use when we assign blame and it keeps us looking back instead of forward. So “I guess I'm just not great at putting myself forward in meetings” “I really don't deserve to be a manager after all”.
Instead of “Why” try asking “What”. To use the example of a promotion, instead of “Why can’t I do this?” ask “What makes this feel hard for me?” “What support do I need?”. Reframing the question shifts the focus from blame, which is unhelpful and unproductive to diagnosis. You can’t do anything with blame. Once you’ve got a diagnosis, you can move to problem solving. Moving from why to what pulls you out of past thinking and puts you into future thinking.
Remember what's important to you about your career
If you’ve been in the same job a while it can be easy to forget what really matters in your career. Think about your personal values and goals outside of work. Where do you want to live? How do you want to spend your time? What do you want more of in your life and what do you want less of? Getting clear on this can help you make decisions about your current position.
Watch out for excuses that will keep you stuck
Excuses will keep you stuck. See the “activity removes doubt” principle (the Nike principle) Finding reasons to wait and see how a situation will play out before you make a decision could keep you where you are for years. Don’t believe me, look around you. In every organisation there is someone who is complaining about how miserable or mistreated they are. So why haven’t they moved on or done something about it? You could just wait and see how your next performance review goes OR instead of waiting and feeling stuck, what could happen if you start looking to see what new roles are out there?
Evaluate your career skills
Knowing and valuing your skills is never time wasted. Create a list of every skill you have even if they are not strictly relevant to your current job. Sometimes you’ve been doing a job for so long everything is second nature and you’ve forgotten just how much you actually know and what this is worth. Look at your current and past job descriptions to see what skills you’ve gained. Get feedback from people you trust to understand how others see you.
Look for the growth opportunities
Sometimes comfort can leave us feeling stuck. The same routine means you miss opportunities to develop or advance. Growing your professional network or learning a new skill can be a great way to get out of a career rut and kick start your development.
Ask for help and grow your network
No one person has all the answers. And at some point, sooner or later everyone needs help. The difference between people who make progress and people who stay stuck is a willingness to be vulnerable, expose our weaknesses and ask for that help. “No man is an island”. (And yes, I’m sure if you were an island, you’d be an idyllic, tropical paradise…) To find your way around an island you need a map. Make a “me map”: think about all the things you need support with - learning from failure, interview practice, speaking up in meetings. Think of the people you might go to when you need help with each of these areas. Be sure to get in touch and regularly connect with these people. Think about what you can give back to others, so you don't always feel like you only get in touch when you need support (and so they don’t feel that way either).
And finally………meet your fears
Coaching comes with the risk that your clients won’t always like your advice. Sometimes you’ll make suggestions that don’t feel easy or possible. The client might even feel “well that's easier said than done” but none of the things I recommend or suggest or indeed that I’m talking about in this article are beyond you. But they do require commitment. A commitment to yourself and a commitment to personal responsibility. So having said that I’d invite you to be ready to fail. Whether it’s job searching, accepting a promotion or returning after a career break. These things can prompt fears of the unknown. And fear tries its best to keep us safe from harm. But fear is also a sign that you are giving yourself a positive challenge and growing. Try speaking to someone you trust to get input and perspective.
Choose your next career move
There is a Romanian expression: “Cu fundul în două luntri“, which means “sitting with your bum in two boats”, or in other words not being able to make up your mind about something. Staying stuck is hard. Whether you're bored, unfulfilled, losing confidence or your current role isn’t working alongside your lifestyle. But changing is also hard, doing something new that will stretch you. Maybe stepping into the unknown or taking a risk. But in order to get unstuck you need to choose which hard is the most bearable. You won’t get unstuck with your bum in two boats. If you need help getting unstuck or simply want to get clear on what your options are before you make a decision I can help. “New” is hard to begin with but it’s not hard forever - get in touch if you’d like to talk about your options and how career coaching could help you. Or just jump in and lets chat on a free call that you can book here
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